LOL! Really?

So as times have changed the most common form of communication has become electronic. Emailing, texting, twitter-ing. Along with this electronic form of communication has come the use of abbreviations. TTYL - talk to you later, XOXO - hugs and kisses, and my personal favorite LOL - laugh out loud. LOL. LOL!!! Oh my how everything now a days is LOL, laugh out loud funny. Really? Really?!? Is it really 'LAUGH OUT LOUD' funny? I doubt it. I seriously doubt that every time someone writes, texts, facebooks 'LOL' they are laughing out loud. And if you claim that you are, I challenge you to prove it, yes prove it. Video yourself, have a witness, whatever! Either that or stop abusing the term, because it reality 98% of the time what you are really saying is 'I don't think that's funny, you're a b**ch for posting that, go F yourself, OR I don't really have the balls to say what I want so I'm going to fake claim that I'm being a good buddy and 'laughing out loud'. While on the topic let's talk about 'LMAO'...okay really people, 'laughing your ass off' ? ? ? Really? If I was 'LMAO' as much as people claim they are I would look like a damn Olsen Twin.

Audition Notice

Role description: 

A typical blond Dutch woman around 32 years old. She is NOT super slim or that good looking, ... NO MODELS. She is just an average woman. ...

Call Time: 10:15AM

I would like to thank my agent. 

PS - I'm a 28yr old Irish Pollock with light brown hair, if that matters at all. 

I Love This Bar

Approximately three years ago I was invited out to Las Vegas for the American Country Music Awards. Since I had spent time working for country radio I received yet another, more special invite to a private party in Toby Keith's bar titled 'I Love This Bar' after one of his hit songs. Even though I wasn't a big country fan I accepted the invitation. I mean why not, good people, good (free) booze.

Towards the middle of the evening, rather a few drinks in, my former co-worker enticed me to go get my picture taken with Toby Keith as he was only five feet away. So I did, and of course after asking the awkward question we posed for a picture. We held that pose for what seemed like an eternity as the camera was having technical difficulties, or the operator of the camera had one too many jack on rocks...Either way, to break the awkward silence while his arm was wrapped around me, I thought I'd strike up a conversation. "Hey Toby, I love this bar!" Nothing. The silence then became even more awkward and the photo finally snapped.

It times like those that I look back and have to wonder, really? Is that all I could think of to say? And did I really have to say it? Lesson learned, sometimes silence really is golden.

Taking the Hint from Hollywood

So I've been in LA doing the whole 'acting' thing for little while now and the hint from Hollywood is finally sinking in. As a coping mechanism and to provide the answer to the always pressing question of 'Why aren't you famous yet?' I thought I'd lay out a list of examples.

Example A - Head shots
I finally decided to get my head shots taken. I met with the photographer and we were deciding which 'looks' I should go with. Within seconds the phrase immediately spouted out of her mouth "Well your definitely not the hot girl so we won't wast time going for that." Ummm...huh...ok, thanks. I'm pretty aware that I'm not going to land a Victoria Secrets fashion show tomorrow, but really lady? Brutal. Finally we settled on the 'girl next door' look - clearly I'm referring to the girl in suburban neighborhood and not the one dating Hugh Hefner.

Example B - Agent and Manager
Yes! I have an real commercial agent! This is it, its happening! First audition I'm sent out on is for Kellogg's Special K cereal. I was pumped! That was until I read the breakdown aka description of the character they were looking for: young mom type who needs to lose 6 pounds. Really? Ouch.
- In addition -
Right around the same time I met with a manager and he signed me! He said 'there was just something about me and though I was a little old for being new to the game, he had to trust his gut'. Well apparently his gut also told him that I shouldn't eat as much, for when we were going over my resume he told me to knock off a few pounds of my listed weight. I responded that I had already done so and didn't want to get 'too far' off my real weight as it would clearly be obvious when I walked in the room and wasn't a size 2. In return, he pressed on for me to drop at least five pounds of my already light listed weight and, and I quote, "maybe just make a promise to yourself to do something active everyday" ......and that number we just rewrote will no longer be a lie. Got it. Nice buddy. At least have the balls to tell to get my ass back on the treadmill and to lay off the booze.
Update - I'm currently seeking new management.


Example C - Booked it
Finally, I booked a job. A play, a children's play, but still its a job and I was performing theater in Hollywood! There were various animal roles in the play including: Ostrich, Bird, Giraffe, Snake, Fish, Monkey...out of all these I landed the roles of Whale and Momma Elephant. So out of all the roles and the cast of three guys and a girl, I was cast as the male whale and the momma elephant. Awesome. (In hindsight I did have a 7yr old tell me I was the best Whale she had ever seen. So slip that in your back pocket.)

Example D - Training
They say acting is just like a sport, you have to practice to keep the 'muscle warm' so I recently found a new class to help me stay warm. Overall its a great class, each actor has equal time on the floor and good scenes to work with all taught by a challenging director. While trying to kill a little down time at work I asked a co-worker to go over my lines with me. To my delight he obliged. We starting reading. All was going well till we hit the middle of the second page and he exclaimed "Jesus I have all the lines!" ... at first I thought nothing of it then I reflected on past scenes I had been assigned...less lines...in fact a week ago in a workshop my part only required facial expression. Huh, so I guess not even paying for a class guarantees that you get to practice being the leading lady. Lovely.


To sum it all up, I would just like to say, I get it Hollywood. I get it. I'm not your typical, I've lived off only Starbucks and cigarettes for the past year, hot blonde, let my boobs hang out so I can get the good lines actress. I get it, I'm not. I'm also not the kin of some Hollywood hot shot who can make a phone call for me. But guess what bitches...I got charisma...and talent....and the eye of the tiger...and I'm not going anywhere. So how you like me now?

Finally phone call!

So I finally meet a guy that's fun, attractive and charming. Not only did he ask for my phone number, but he actually called (sadly in a world where texting exist this is a rare case). So yeah, he called, the very next day at 10:30AM then again at 11:15AM, 3:30PM and yet again at 6:45PM. The first and last calls he left the follow message:

"JEANINE CALL ME BACK AS SOON AS YOU GET THIS MESSAGE, OK ITS -Name- I met you last night, AND I NEED YOU TO CALL ME AS SOON AS YOU GET THIS MESSAGE! ###-###-####
OK? CALL ME Thanks."
The other calls were hang ups.

Really?

Umm...thanks for playing buddy, but no thanks.

Everytime

Every time I hear a car alarm going off I immediately panic thinking "IS that MY car?" Then I sigh with relief remembering that I drive a 1996 Ford Taurus.


I call him Grandpa the Shark.

Blast from the Past - A Gringa in Cabo

Due to my gypsy nature, I tend to take risk, risk that involved accepting random jobs in random places. Therefore, to ease the mind(s) of my loved ones at home, during my randomness I would send email updates to let them know about life in, wherever I was. This is an email from my first week hosting beach activities in Los Cabo, Mexico.

Well today is my one week anniversary and first day off. The term 'work like a Mexican' has taken on new meaning, as has staring. It's not so much a question of feeling safe, but rather a question of how comfortable you are with people staring at you ..all the time.

My senses have begun to settle as am I in my new Baja lifestyle, that is of course, after overcoming a week filled with many challenges.

Many of you questioned my job and if there would be any training involved or what the process would be like when I arrived. Well, to answer that question, there is no training and process is pretty simple. Fend for yourself. Every man for thyself or get pushed to the back of the bus and miss your stop...literally. I've yet to master this one.

However, I did somehow manage to land on the good side of Hector, Hector the human resources manager, who is rumored to speak and comprende' English but refuses to admit that to the new gringos working at the resort. As it is also rumored that he has a strong dislike for Americans. Trying to deal with this man for two days and fill out important documents so I can legally be and work in the country has be a challenge of itself. The paperwork is detailed oriented, as in asking how many moles or tattoos one has as well as the shape of your forehead, chin and nose...which may I add is hard to determine when you have no mirror in your house nor a firm understanding of the correct Spanish terms for body parts and textures.

Then is was off to get photos for my ID card where I was yelled at for trying to smile..apparently I missed the Mexican memo that stated it was unacceptable to look somewhat pleasant when posing for your immigration card. (Yes, I now am a proud owner of an immigration card. Gracias Hector.)

The along Tuesday came, where my roommate and I awoke to no running water. Lucky for me I was in charge of the beach walk that day (where I was told to lead out guest on a 20 minute trek down the beach to a place that is safe enough to swim in the Sea of Cortez, no one seemed worried that I had no clue where I was leading said group, except one guest after I responded to the question of 'how long have you worked at Dream' with ':) One day'. In the end, it all worked out, the guest returned safely to the resort and I got to jump in the ocean as a replacement to my shower.

....Yet awaking on Wednesday morning with the same issue of no running water - not so bueno. Have you tried washing your face with bottled water? It's interesting, I suggest it.

That evening on the return home, before heading out to lead a pub crawl (I really can't get away from those things!) I, with the help of Lynn's tennis racket battled a moth the size of a bat that took to nesting in our room. The Mexican girls got a kick out of the battle and I am now thinking of taking up tennis.

Needless to say some of these things, amongst other minor issues, had me questioning my decision. But come Thursday where my challenge was to lead stretching/yoga on the beach while the crashing waves refreshed us with their mist; and I having to assist an Indian girl who came on our snorkeling trip and had never swam before in her life. I reconsidered. Granted I had some sand in unpleasant places and the girl almost drowned me a couple of times, seeing the excitement in her face when Miguel and I placed a cracked sea urchin in her hand causing dozens of illuminating fish to tornado around us was simply priceless.

Now if I can only figure out how to stop my face from becoming one gigantic freckle, a polite way to refuse drinks from the over appreciative guest and the reason why, I, the 'pink faced Dutch girl' (I'm not even Dutch, but you tell Jesus that) was placed in the Friday night Mexican Fiesta Show, then I think I'll be alright.

Well I have taken enough of your time and the guy at this cafe is staring...again...or maybe her never stopped...either way, freaky. I feel like carrot in a Bug's Bunny cartoon.

Jeanine

aka

Ana

Actors VS Teachers

I work in the biz, show biz that is, and recently it has come to my attention the price of which our top actors and actresses are paid. You would be amazed at the going price of performances, appearances, hosting (not to be confused with appearances), traveling, styling, manicures, walking, breathing, ...being. 

Now its not like I've just come out from under a rock or anything. I've always been aware of the millions that Hollywood throws out to ensure our top entertainers (or in today's age reality stars) stay happy and in tip top shape so they can entertain us to the fullest. However, due to recent eye opening experiences I feel the need to finally speak out about it, especially in this economy. 

Around six months ago thousands of California teachers were given pink slips notifying them that they may be on the cutting board for loosing their jobs. Later, many of them did in fact lose their jobs.  A friend of mine whom works within the San Diego School District watched as many of her fellow teachers were forced to pack up their classrooms and say goodbye. For the time being, she was safe. Therefore she lined up an extra row of chairs in her classroom and welcomed in various students affected by the cuts.

Back to the biz. 

Our 'top" actors are paid hundreds of thousands of dollars per episode, millions per film, thousands per appearance etc. Now it's not that I think they don't deserve it, heck I'm still waiting for my big break, but do they really deserve that much? I mean lets face it, they own islands, mansions in the Hollywood Hills as well as Italy and demand to travel only by private jets which run around 30 - 50 grand...at the least. So would it really hurt them to knock off a mere million bucks from their next 25 million dollar paycheck? Or to suck it up and fly first class and sign a few autographs for the sake of a cutting out $30,000 of traveling cost? I mean, as I stated before, the island and mansion are already paid for and I can't help but wonder if those few thousand and million knocked off here and there could be better spent...say in our school system...?

The system which has now been decreased so drastically that student class size have nearly doubled, craft materials come from donations and teachers minds occasionally wonder if they will make the next cut. These children are our FUTURE!  (as Whitney Houston once sang)

So why then are we denying them the attention they need in school so some A-lister can bank another 25 million for the summer blockbuster hit?  

I'm not trying to overlook all those who've lost their jobs in various industries across America, by any means I'm not.  I'm just pointing out one industry as it's fresh in my mind after filing invoices for private jets while listening to a co-worker read off the donation 'wish list' of her children's elementary school. AND at the same time, asking the showbiz industry to think for a second if a fraction of their money could be spent better elsewhere. 

Third Time's a Charm...Or So They Say

I was once shit on three times in one month. I'll repeat. I was once shit on three times in one month. It was by a bird. Now whether or not it was the same bird on all three occasions has yet to, and I fear will never, be determined.

The first time I was in the car, I had just left my house and it was a beautiful sunny SoCal day therefore I hit OPEN and so went the sunroof in my 1996 Ford Taurus. I recall being in the car for only a short amount of time when...wait, what was that, some splash from above??? Nooo, it had to be my water bottle acting out at me or perhaps I drooled without noticing. Nope, it was bird shit. More of a mix of number one and two (too soon?) but nonetheless bird shit. 

Now given the fact that this bird managed to target my shoulder through a rectangle no larger than a boot shoe box while I was going 35miles per hour is beyond me. Therefore, I did what anyone would do when shit upon, I wrote it off as good luck and wiped my should with pride.

Second occurrence. A day similar to that in the first story, a classic SoCal day and I had just left the beach to go meet my friend for dinner. Evening was approaching yet the sun still ruled the sky, so we opted for seats on the outside patio.  I give props to whomever designed this patio as they planned ahead and hung clear wires (string, whatever) in a grid like pattern over top of the dinning area so to prevent birds swooping down to enjoy a bite of your taco. What they didn't plan for however was some something to 'catch' the droppings that may be released from those same birds begging while perched above.  Just then, as a I was reaching for another chip to dip it happened. Splat. Ricocheting off my head onto my arm. Awesome. My friend laughed and tried to help me write it off as good luck. I responded with said story above and though I thought it would be best to claim that the bird was just telling me to lay off the carbs, my friend succeeded in pushing the good luck story on me. So against my will I went with it, and deemed myself one of the luckiest gals in world to have been shit on twice in one month!  

For the rest of the month I waited with high hopes, my luck was bound to change at any second! Maybe I'd finally get that raise at work! Or even better a new job offer! OR maybe Leonardo Dicaprio would call and confess not only did he want me to star opposite him in his next movie but also that he wanted to date me! The possibilities were endless! Or so I thought. 

Fast forward to the last Thursday evening of the month (yes I looked it up and noted it, how could I not?) I had just returned home from my acting class, after all I had to be ready for Leo! Since it was only 9pm I thought I'd treat myself to a little 'relaxing'.  So I grab a bottle of wine and brick of cheese and flipped on  Tivo for an episode of America's Next Top Model. Yes, I admit it. After way too much cheese and believing that my walk was just as good if not better than any of those girls, I thought I'd be productive and take the trash out. So I did just that, I picked up the trash and did my best runway walk out to the trash cans. Now keep in mind our trash cans were located between two houses five feet apart, each with a slight overhang therefore narrowing down the total amount of open air to about 3 feet  AND  it was 10:30PM.

That said, immediately after I made my trash dump I in return was dumped on.  This time directly down my back. This bird had skills. 

It was that very moment which I stood in shock as I calculated that I had just been shit on, THREE times, in ONE month. Now you can preach whatever luck bullshit you like but seeing as how I never got a raise and Leo never called I'm going to stand by my convictions and say that no, being shit on by a bird three times in one month doesn't equal LUCK.

Sick at Work (not to be confused with Sick OF Work)

I've always been a rather laid back person, people doing 'their thing' never really bothered me, until cold and flu season came around.  If there is one thing that gets my goat it's when co-workers take it upon themselves to come into the office full of recycled air and hack, sneeze, sniffle and 'chill' all over the place. Hey genius, your sick! Go home.  

Of course if you ask them they will deny it since they "are not as bad not as bad as they were yesterday" as they proceed to cough without covering while continuing to tell you their "symptoms" and all of the reasons that they "just have to be here."  No you don't.  You could have accomplished all those tasks in the minutes you've been hacking out your sob story to each passerby.  Listen people, it's rude because guess what, you are contagious and you will get the rest of us sick (then hopefully it will come back around and bite you in the ass). Do you really think your germs aren't spreading as you walk cubicle to cubicle coughing and sneezing and sniffling? Really?  Think again. 

To these people i would like to extend a giant F-you! With a smile of course ;)   Go home, even though the economy is bad we wont replace you in one day, in fact, we will breath happily and work soundly while your home resting and recovering vs infecting.

Just think about it people. And if you can't do that, just tune into to any local news, radio station or online update on 'rules of the flu'  they idiot proof it for you. 

Talking the hint

If your talking to someone and they are not responding...or their responses fall down to a simple "yeah" "uh huh" 'head nod' chances are they are done talking to, or better yet, listening to you. Take the hint and take a brake on the verbal spillage. Please. We've all been there and it's not a proud moment, I know, I've been there. One minute your getting full sentences in return and the next a muffled "ha...mm..yeah."  

The power lies in you! Pay attention, listen and abort! I promise this will pay off if you want to keep your friends. 

That said, I'll stop this blog now. 

Brought together by technology

It has come to my attention, as I'm sure it has to many to others, that while the intention of the technology advances of cell phones were meant to bring people as whole closer together, they are also pulling them apart. 

Example one: UCF campus Dec 2004. I walk out of my 'organizational communications' course and glance around. Students in groups and pairs start on their walk to the next class yet rather than chatting with each other, they (nearly) simultaneously grab their cell phone and hit 1 for voicemail and send for that missed called. I found it hard to believe that all these twenty something students were waiting on a emergency call that had to immediately be returned on a Tuesday at 1:17pm. But then again what do i know ... only this... I was sadden by the fact that here we were on  a college campus and instead of bantering with the friends, colleagues that we see on Tuesdays and Thursdays for and hour and fifteen minutes, we preferred to check our voicemail.  - side note - I was walking alone. 

Example two: While on a brief run, well jog, Sunday night I noticed a three girls I'm guessing ages 5-9 playing softball with a kickball...stick with me. The youngest of the girls was batting, the middle pitching and the oldest fielding the ball. It just so happen that the 5 yr old nailed the kickball for a wham bam of a single. She successfully made her way around all the bases (conveniently placed 3 feet apart) as her middle sister screamed at the oldest "get the ball." Now you may think what does this have to do with cell phones. I'll tell you. The oldest sister failed to field the ball merely due to the fact she was texting on her cell phone...I can only assume to another 9yr.

I could go on and on...but I won't. I'll just say this. Thank you cell phone technology for allowing me to call my family from the middle of the airport letting them know my flight is delayed, for allowing me to capture that embarrassing photo of my friend who had too much to drink and texting that certain someone I just don't have the energy to actually speak to (or even better call them as I'm about to enter a store with no reception). But shame on you cell phone for taking away the pleasure and aches of family car rides, kids riding bikes after school,  students walking and talking, pillow talk and people actually conversing with those they are out with versus texting those they're not. . . . 

Makes me wonder, what did we do before cell phones? Actually meet on time and at the place we agreed on? Sincerely enjoyed the company of those we are with? Committed to staying in the house for an extra 15mins to make a phone call? Carried around spare change in case of an emergency phone both call? Wow.  Now that just seems silly.