I Sleep With Farting Dogs

I'm pretty sure that title just about sums it up. But just to be safe, let me elaborate.

I'm house sitting.

More detail. I'm house sitting for a family that has two dogs. Two tiny, bull like black and white dogs. You know that kind that grunt and snort instead of coughing or barking. Yeah, those kind.

They're sorta cute little fellas, or rather ladies, as they greet me daily and follow me around the antique mansion making me feel loved and appreciated (if even its only faked until they're fed). But I think it's the sense of security they give me while staying in the oversize home that made me take a liking to them, after all sleeping in a new place all by your lonesome can be slightly haunting at times.

Now, I was told by the owner of the home that the dogs would 'sleep with me' as they usually join her and her husband nightly at the foot of the bed. Therefore you can imagine the hurt I felt when the sun set on the first night and I found myself sleeping alone. Not even dogs will spilt the covers with me? Brutal.

Right, so moving on to night number two. They made their move and I couldn't have felt more flattered. They liked me! They really liked me! As I switched off the lights and snuggled under the covers the two dogs tucked themselves confidently in next to me.
Note: They did not, however, fall to rest at the foot of the bed, but rather they burrowed under the covers creating a makeshift tunnel under the comforter until choosing their final resting place.

This was new to me, for growing up our dog was never allowed upstairs let alone allowed to sleep in the same bed as us. Yet, as the easy going lady I am, I went with it, adjusting my sleeping position and drifting off into dream land.

12:34AM - Just as I was hitting the E cycle of R.E.M...I awoke to a scent. An unpleasant scent. The scent of gas, not natural gas or gasoline, but canine gas. It was horrifying and smothering ME as it had soaked into the sheets that tucked me in. GOD DAMN how could such a tiny animal create a stench of such horror! Shoot, I was just Dutch Oven'd by a freaking dog! (Which one dropped the bomb is still in speculation.) It seemed like hours before the smell drifted away... And actually I'm not positive it ever did as when I awoke around 4:43AM another stench held the air captive. REALLY???!

Fast forward to night 5. I cannot out smart the bitches. Diet changes only worsen the issues, closing the door to sleep alone only leads to nails scratching on the door/barking all night and sleeping with a pillow over my face only leads to near suffocation, and really, there is only so much a ceiling fan can do. Therefore, I sleep, night after night, with farting dogs.

Jealous, aren't ya?