Third Time's a Charm...Or So They Say

I was once shit on three times in one month. I'll repeat. I was once shit on three times in one month. It was by a bird. Now whether or not it was the same bird on all three occasions has yet to, and I fear will never, be determined.

The first time I was in the car, I had just left my house and it was a beautiful sunny SoCal day therefore I hit OPEN and so went the sunroof in my 1996 Ford Taurus. I recall being in the car for only a short amount of time when...wait, what was that, some splash from above??? Nooo, it had to be my water bottle acting out at me or perhaps I drooled without noticing. Nope, it was bird shit. More of a mix of number one and two (too soon?) but nonetheless bird shit. 

Now given the fact that this bird managed to target my shoulder through a rectangle no larger than a boot shoe box while I was going 35miles per hour is beyond me. Therefore, I did what anyone would do when shit upon, I wrote it off as good luck and wiped my should with pride.

Second occurrence. A day similar to that in the first story, a classic SoCal day and I had just left the beach to go meet my friend for dinner. Evening was approaching yet the sun still ruled the sky, so we opted for seats on the outside patio.  I give props to whomever designed this patio as they planned ahead and hung clear wires (string, whatever) in a grid like pattern over top of the dinning area so to prevent birds swooping down to enjoy a bite of your taco. What they didn't plan for however was some something to 'catch' the droppings that may be released from those same birds begging while perched above.  Just then, as a I was reaching for another chip to dip it happened. Splat. Ricocheting off my head onto my arm. Awesome. My friend laughed and tried to help me write it off as good luck. I responded with said story above and though I thought it would be best to claim that the bird was just telling me to lay off the carbs, my friend succeeded in pushing the good luck story on me. So against my will I went with it, and deemed myself one of the luckiest gals in world to have been shit on twice in one month!  

For the rest of the month I waited with high hopes, my luck was bound to change at any second! Maybe I'd finally get that raise at work! Or even better a new job offer! OR maybe Leonardo Dicaprio would call and confess not only did he want me to star opposite him in his next movie but also that he wanted to date me! The possibilities were endless! Or so I thought. 

Fast forward to the last Thursday evening of the month (yes I looked it up and noted it, how could I not?) I had just returned home from my acting class, after all I had to be ready for Leo! Since it was only 9pm I thought I'd treat myself to a little 'relaxing'.  So I grab a bottle of wine and brick of cheese and flipped on  Tivo for an episode of America's Next Top Model. Yes, I admit it. After way too much cheese and believing that my walk was just as good if not better than any of those girls, I thought I'd be productive and take the trash out. So I did just that, I picked up the trash and did my best runway walk out to the trash cans. Now keep in mind our trash cans were located between two houses five feet apart, each with a slight overhang therefore narrowing down the total amount of open air to about 3 feet  AND  it was 10:30PM.

That said, immediately after I made my trash dump I in return was dumped on.  This time directly down my back. This bird had skills. 

It was that very moment which I stood in shock as I calculated that I had just been shit on, THREE times, in ONE month. Now you can preach whatever luck bullshit you like but seeing as how I never got a raise and Leo never called I'm going to stand by my convictions and say that no, being shit on by a bird three times in one month doesn't equal LUCK.