Outlook Not So Good

Really?


http://www.cinematical.com/2007/08/02/magic-8-ball-the-movie


Need I say more...?

This Is Why

Yesterday I took it upon myself to go for a jog to a place I've deemed 'The Death Stairs.' Three hundred and ninety-two uneven steps made up of concrete unevenly placed into the side of a mountain. Sound awesome right? Not so much. They are killer, hence the name. (But yes I love them for after just one set you feel like you could bounce a quarter off your butt cheek). What a fun, painful way to get in a quick work out...and also, meet people...?

Now, I've never been a fan of the idea of 'meeting people at the gym' - why you ask? Well, I'll tell you why. For one - I don't go often enough to make my presence known, rather I just wander sheepishly through the gym searching for the machine that I want, then sit on it wondering how it works. Two - Upon wandering I always happen to stumble upon a mirror and realize that maybe I should have paid more attention to the outfit of a worn out oversized freebie t-shirt and mismatching shorts that fit better a year ago, for this is LA and all that surrounds me is matching spandex and made up faces. Therefore I don't even try to chat it up as I turn beet red and my hair takes the style of a 1950's greaser from my sweat. Hot image huh?

Right so it's for those reasons, among others, that I don't attempt to be the one making small talk and picking up numbers while working out, I'm there to work out people, not make out.

However, yesterday during my adventure to 'The Death Stairs' the winds of change were a blowin'! Without paying much attention I managed to dress myself in a semi appropriate pair of running tights topped off with a wind breaker that was only a shade or two off from matching. And I'll tell ya, I'm glad I did. For when I reached the peak of the stairs who met me there but a young fine speciman of a man. Delightful! We made eye contact and smiled, ahhhh ;). 'DAMN' I thought - this is what everyone is talking about! What a great place to meet someone! Then I turned for a stretch and by the time those 30secs passed, he was gone. Vanished.

Burn.

So I headed back down the stairs, saddend. Another missed opportunity....Or so I thought. For what did I see coming up 'The Death Stairs' in the distance...was it him? Did he dare to run 'The Death Stairs' twice?! He did! Ok, so this was my chance, a friendly hello to at least break the ice, a baby step if you will.

Climbing one by one he approached ....while one by one I descended...and just at that moment when our feet met the same stair and our eyes were about to catch...I lost my balance and rolled my ankle, looking like a fawn on its first journey to a green pasture. Immediately I had to shift all my energy to prevent from stumbling down the remaining 200 stairs and therefore missed my chance again to say hello! I like to think I felt his eyes look back in a moment of 'there she goes..." but in reality IF he did look back it was to see if I had caught myself or if I was tumbling down the concrete filled mountain side.

From that point on, with defeat sitting heavy on my shoulders, I continued to hide my hobble down the rest of the stairs, jog with a limp home and ice my ankle.

I'm happy to report that it feels quite okay today and (not too) ashamed to report that still I remain gameless and clumsy. This is reason number three of why I do not try and meet people at the gym, or ' The Death Stairs' or while working out in general. Because safety comes first people... and I lack health insurance...so really, love over a medical bill? You do the math.

And for those of you that haven't caught on yet - yes I'm still single.

Doing My Part

So yesterday I had plans to meet up with a wonderful friend of mine as it had been WAY too long since our last gathering. Since I often complain internally how I miss living so close to the beach, (yes 15mins away is far when you spent 1.5yrs living a mere 6 blocks away) I suggested that we meet up and walk on the beach for our gathering. She of course accepted. And we met. But rather than just gabbing away along the sand, we decided to gab away with bags in our hands, bags that would be used to clean the beach. Crazy huh, mixing productivity and pleasure.

Now, for anyone who has ever been to Santa Monica Beach you are well aware of the many trash cans that line the sand, so many that it's almost obnoxious. Yet, with all these trash cans people still find it impossible to rid of their own trash. It is ...well, obnoxious. I mean, ok, I can kinda understand if you were enjoying a snack after a surf and a tiny piece of a wrapper caught wind and took off, but what I can't understand is the number of 42 ounce Big Gulp and Circle K cups, food containers, globs of paper towls, and 'personal items' that were found. I just can't believe that people really don't notice that they 'happen' to drop these items nor that they are THAT lazy that they can't walk it to one of the surrounding trash cans 100 ft away. I'm mean come on now, even if you don't want to make an extra trip, your going to pass a can on your way back to your car, that is unless your a mermaid and returning to the ocean. (In which case, contact me - I've always wondered what its like to be a mermaid.) Look, people, I'm as lazy as the next American but even I can manage to take ten steps out of my way to rid of waste that I brought onto a beautiful beach instead of letting it sit there can keep the next person company.

Along with the beautiful sunset occurring, great conversation and the idea floating in the back of my mind that I just saved a guppy from chocking on a Capri sun straw, my favorite part of the 'clean up' was the looks of passersby. I guess since we weren't donning orange jumpsuits we seemed exceedingly crazy. Staring eyes stating "What in the world are those two girls doing!? Picking up trash? Oh dear me! AND WITH SMILES ON THEIR FACES?! They must be special, or crazy OR SOMETHING!". That is except for two gentlemen. One, stopped and thanked us as he was running by, he apparently does his part by lecturing people when he sees them litter on the beach. Helpful to physical pollution sure, but not so much to verbal. The other gentlemen was that of the lifeguard. After watching with pondering eyes for a few minutes he finally yelled out that we were 'awesome' for picking up the trash and 'the world needs more people like' us. We smiled and said thank you and decided not to bring up the fact that we just gathered three large handfuls of trashed items surrounding his tower. I guess he was really busy yesterday.

All that said. The point of my story is not to gloat or 'diss' people, though I realize it may seem like it; but rather my point is just to make you aware. Be aware and pay if forward if you will. Not one of those pieces of trash belonged to me yesterday but instead of walking along side of them thinking what a shame it was that someone littered and 'someone should really clean this up' I cleaned it up, along with the help of my dear friend (whom actually goes out every Wednesday morning to do just that). And it didn't take much, just a bag and some gloves, and some love ; ). While we didn't make a huge dent my friend and I still made one. So can you. Just think, if each of us, little by little picked something up and placed it in the proper place of disposal instead of passing it by, a little dent will in no time turn into a huge one.

That's my green peace piece for the day.

Hazel What?

Hazelnuts. That's right folks I'm talking about nuts. No, not that kind so get your mind out of gutter, but rather the hard salty kind that come in a can. (Again, minds out of the gutter).

Right so, here's my issue. You chomping along, enjoying a can of mixed nuts when along comes a hazelnut destroying your entire nut snacking experience. I mean come on! It taste like a cheap perfume trapped inside a tiny shell. Let it breathe somewhere outside the can filled with filberts, almonds, peanuts and walnuts. Cause it's just gross. I say - leave em out! Save the hazelnuts for Chip n Dale cartoons and the flavoring of coffee creamer and leave more room for the real nuts that actually carry a 'nutty' flavor for the can!

I will end this now - sparing you the story about the time I bit into a chocolate bar only to be thrown off by the mouthful of a potent aroma caused by said nuts. Ick.

Doing Your Part

The other day as I was leaving for work, I noticed a man picking up trash, fallen leafs, etc on the side of the street. (yes my street has trash on it) And I thought to myself, 'huh that's really nice, he's taking pride in his neighborhood and cleaning up!' After all he wasn't wearing an orange jumpsuit so this clearly was by choice and not court ordered.

Then I noticed the cigarette hanging out of his mouth. The ashes from the cigarette drifting softly still lit into his pile of dried up garbage waiting to spark a flame with the movement of any sudden breeze...and after the final drag, the butt flicked out to the middle of the street. And it was then I thought ' Really? I mean its not like California is known for its wildfires or discarding your cigarette butt in the middle of the road is considered littering or anything.'

Maybe it's just me, but does anyone else find this slightly ironic? No? Yes? Whatever.

Relationship Evaluation

Dear Hangover,

We've known each other for quite sometime now and while I haven't always agreed with you, I've always respected you. And while I feel our relationship has grown stronger over the years, as any good relationship should, I feel the need to express my emotions regarding your recent discrepancies.

Bottom line, this 'coming and going' needs to stop. I'm willing to wake up and have you follow me around all day, as I often know when indulging in a variety of my favorite adult beverages you will be arriving early the next day. However what I'm not prepared for, nor do I appreciate, is your late arrival. If you are going to show up, show up! Don't wait untill after I've been awake a few hours pleasantly going about my day, recalling all the fun I had the night before miraculously without your arrival to then slap me in face in the early afternoon. For at this point I've already made plans to go about my day without you tagging along. So when you show up at your leisure, hours late, it really ruins my day. I know you may think of it as a fun surprise however I think of it as dick move.

Can't we go back to the old days? Where I awoke to you spooning me and got to spend the rest of my day carefully avoiding loud noises, bright lights and my beverage of choice from the night before? At least back then I made reservations for two (with you in mind) the next day!

Please, I beg of you, arrive on time...or don't arrive at all.

Sincerely,

Jeanine

To The Couple Eating McDonald's on the Plane.

Ok, by now I'm pretty sure we are all aware of how 'plane etiquette' has flown the coup some 15yrs ago. Remember those days when you would have to pick out an outfit to fly in? Something nice, something semi-dressy that wouldn't wrinkle, something that said "Hey I can afford more than this coach ticket to Florida" something like...khakis! It's true, now a days you see people, old and young, (with the exception of a few red hat wearers doused in their favorite rose perfume) sporting their best sweat suit or if on a return flight, Goofy t-shirt and shorts.

Alright, so that said, let's get to point. I get it, flying isn't what it used to be, dress codes, paying for luggage, heck paying for snack (really? $7 bucks for a box of mini crackers and a cube of cheese? really?). Therefore we have adapted. For example we now shoving 6 days of clothes into a single carry on and 'personal item/backpack/laptop/mini suitcase disguised as an extra large purse/a bag from a purchase I just made while killing two hours in the airport that just so happens to be filled up with just-in-case's from home' vs checking luggage. We wear our most comfortable flying wardrobe vs sitting stiffly in that button down and khakis. And we purchase our favorite snacks pre-board (because airport terminal prices are that much better) vs dishing out the $7 bucks. Now THIS is where my (main) issue comes into play. The purchasing pre-boarding snacks, or perhaps in this matter, MEALS.

Look couple sitting in front of me. We all love a big mac with super sized fries and a coke from time to time, heck who doesn't?! But really. Really? You had to fill that craving as you sardine style pack yourself into a Boeing 757. Recycled air an all. Awesome. Oh and don't think your fooling anyone - we've all experienced that havoc that said greasy fast food is known to wreak on your abdominals, to put it nicely. So again add in the recycled air for the next 5 hours of the flight, the crinkling of the unwrapping the 1,000 calorie burger, slurping of soda and congratulations! You have officially annoyed those in the surrounding rows..and sparked some underlying cravings.

OH and just in case you were wondering, man sitting in seat 12A, on the early morning flight from Los Angeles to Philadelphia, non-stop, 2 years ago, yes you neighbor...an extended thanks goes out to you and your foot long tuna sub. That one, wow. Well clearly that lovely stench of an experience stuck with me. Still to this day I wonder exactly where one picked up a tuna sub (ya know the kinda from a real deli, not Subway, so the scent of mayo mashed into tuna is extra potent) so early in the morning as well as how big your balls must have been to bring it on board.

Alright, I think you've got my point people, so I'll let the ranting stop. But before I do may I leave you with this. . . rather, beg you with this. The next time you purchase your pre-board meal to then bring on board, please for the love of god and all that is good in this world consider your in-flight neighbors...ya know the ones sharing that recycled air with you for the next 5 hours.